i don't remember /

i don't remember feeling so empty. it often occurs when pride and selfishness are muddled together, it creeps up to you heart and makes you feel like an outline that's empty in the middle. it's not the feeling of completeness i so needed, but the feeling of not being empty. what's the point? not every girl's "frequent" is the same. 

we all heard the warnings, and we've ignored them. we push our luck. we roll the dice. it's human nature. when we're told not to touch something, we usually do even if we know better. maybe because, deep down we're just asking for trouble. what's that saying, why do i keep hitting myself with the hammer? because it feels so good when i stop. maybe our old wounds teach us something. they remind us where we've been and what we've overcome.  they teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. that's what we like to think, but that's not the way it is, is it? some things we just have to learn over and over and over again.

why do people leave each other? they come to their senses and get selfish again.

forgive and forget - that's what they say. it's good advice, but it's not very practical. when someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that, one day, we'll be lucky enough to forget.

when things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. it's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. the whole shape has changed. things that break - they'll never really be whole again.

i go out the next day pretending nothing happened. 

they ask,

if everything's ok and i tell them

i'm just tired.

and i'm trying to smile. and they're trying to smile.

we were almost, now we are never. guard your heart, because i'm guarding mine.

it was haziest yesterday, and it was cold too.